When I wake, whether in the morning or after taking a nap I go through the experience of my chest closing up. It feels like a misty cloud in my chest where it is difficult to breathe through all the mist.
I have found breathing to assist me through this. So all I focus on is breathing. Breath in and Breath out. After about an Hour I start to forget that my chest is closed and when I look again – my chest has opened up.
This application is however not enough because I still have to go through the whole process – Day in and day out.
So I asked Andrea to assist me with finding the information that I have become and is resonating as – creating this condition. This is what showed with Muscle Communication:
The Pattern is a Timeline Pattern – Meaning that I have accepted and allowed myself as this pattern and my physical body has accepted this pattern as the norm and is recreating this pattern in anticipation as my request.
The Pattern in located as a Subconscious – Thought Pattern, that I access when I wake up.
The Words that tested out in the Dictionary: Champ, which means Noisily
On these words a memory of my father walking into my bedroom putting the lights on in a rush and shouting wake up, wake up, wake up - came to mind. This has been a pattern, part of my life for most of my childhood.
In Primary school years – I would wake in a moment, my eyes shocked open and I would rush to get dressed – I was very efficient at this and it gave a sense of satisfaction because I could get dressed so fast, brush my teeth and comb my hair and be Ready for school.
The other words that Andrea wrote down was: Inside, Movement, anxiety, expected.
These words are part of pattern of how I experienced myself in the mornings: Inside there was a great amount of movement filled with anxiety to get ready and be the first to be ready – as I look now I can see that it was part of a competition construct that I had to be ready first as I thought that it was what was expected of me.
A second word that tested out was - Diva
with additional words that came to mind – Singing and Expression
And as this word was tested I saw my sister – Dina. To a certain degree I idolised her because she was capable of expressing herself with such great fervour.
Andrea saw the words: Polarity Opposites and it tested out that this was the pre-programmed design.
Looking at this whole design of Polarity Opposites:
Dina was the expressionate one - I was not
I was the timeous, disciplined one – She was not
Within our family construct we manifested the Polarity Opposites with mathematical precision. Both Jealous of one another but both lacking what the other was capable of. Both Competing in our fields of excellence to be seen as more.
So above is the childhood pattern that I am still living as a subconscious behaviour pattern.
Self Forgiveness
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as
limited by limiting my expression to being timeous and disciplined.
• I forgive myself that accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the
qualities of being timeous and disciplined and by that definition limited
myself to only that expression.
Corrective Application Statement –
I Accept timeousness as an expression of myself without a polarity in it,
making me feel more than who I am or better than I am.
Timeousness Self forgiveness
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to buy into the belief
that Time = money. Thus in being late, I am wasting someone’s time, thus
wasting someone’s money.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to buy into this belief
that time = money and though this acceptance subjected myself to living in
survival mode by making sure that I am timeous all the time because if I am
not timeous I am making someone else not being able to survive by wasting
their money.
I forgive myself that I saw not being timeous as wasting money thus
subjecting myself to the survival mode by making sure that I am timeous.\
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see being timeous as
right and through this acceptance did not want myself to be wrong.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see being timeous as
the right thing to do and being late as the wrong thing to do because I will
be wasting someone’s money by being late causing them to lose money and
thus not being able to survive.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link timeousness to
money and survival of a being.
Understanding the construct of Timeousness
Timeousness is how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to imprison
ourselves to a promise to another person, by promising that we will be on
time. Using the guilt of ‘making another person suffer the consequences of
our actions of not being on time. Thus meaning that we feel guilty that
through our actions we have caused another person’s inability to survive
through our direct action of wasting their time = wasting their money. This
has been the program that we have accepted and allowed to manifest in our
reality.
Corrective Statement on Timeousness –
I accept timeousness as an agreement that I have made with another as myself
and to the best of my ability I will do what I have agreed upon.
Self Forgiveness continued....
• I forgive myself that did not allow myself to see myself as expressionate
and by this definition never allowed myself to explore expression.
• I forgive myself that I have been fearful of being expressionate because I
felt that I would always lose in comparison to my sister as I saw her as the
goddess of expression.
• I forgive myself that I have limited myself through comparison to not
express myself.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being
expressionate because I felt that I would be exposed and vulnerable
• I forgive myself that I feared being vulnerable and in the spot light where
everything is seen, where all my faults can be seen
• I forgive myself that I feared my faults being seen.
• I forgive myself that i judged others and found faults with them and i did
not want to subject myself to the same amount of judgement that I had placed
on another and through this knowing of what I do I did not want to place
myself in the same shoes of being judged.
Understanding the construct of Expresionate
Expression has been based in an energetic source of stimulus – meaning that one is stimulated in ones environment and through this stimulis one adapts and shapeshift to become the point that is required to gain energy and attention. This is then called expression. The more energy one can take from others the more one is capable of expressing as there will be an abundance of energy to spend on expression.
Fearing self expression is in fact fearing to be judged. Fearing to be judged in is fact fearing to have done to self what self has done to others – and in this case judged others expression. While dealing with consciousness playing the polarity game of getting energy and giving energy this expression construct has a particular agenda of what is acceptable and what is not according to the definitions of ones culture and society. If one is able to tap into that agenda and utilise the abundance of energy to redirect it into an expression of self – One will be seen as popular and it would sit well with others for one to redirect the energy in such a manner. The ones that are not so fortunate to have figured out the game of expression and has misfires will inevitable stop their expression and direct their attention elsewhere all the while being jealous of those that have found the way in which to express. This however does not always constitute as self expression.
Self expression at its source is self and not a stimulus that generates this expression.
When participating within the consciousness expression there is always the ones that are good at it and those that are not. The ones that are not good at it look at the ones that are good at and envy them. The ones that are not good at it stand as the gate keepers of judging the ones that are expressing ensuring that the expression remain at a certain standard by the judgments that are being passed. It is thus to go beyond the point of consciousness expression – let this point go – Look within self and express self as the point of self expression.
Corrective Application Statement on Expressionate–
I accept expression as an expression of self. The key here is to understand that expression is based in self expression – A giving of self – Thus an expression of self of what one shares with all. Thus self expression is the act of giving of oneself to others.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Breathing through Pain
We were all gathered around the Kitchen table dishing up dinner, when Bernard said: “I have been dubbed a bad cooking partner.” These being my words not a moment earlier. I felt guilty in hearing these words reflected back at me in front of everyone else.
The next moment I experienced a deadening pain in my uterus. Knowing that I had started my period I left it and shrugged it off as just that.
The pain however was different to the pain that I usually experience with period pains. Usually I experience the pain as dull around the uterus as well as on the top of my thighs. The pain would be constantly there in the back ground for a day. I would be aware of this discomfort but would go about all the regular daily activities with this little discomfort.
So in the kitchen, I dished up for myself and placed the food in the microwave as I was not that hungry, as I often find with cooking. I was watching everyone eat when I started feeling nauseous from the pain in my uterus and thus decided to go and lie down for a while.
I walked over to the bedroom and lied down considering that this pain would go away in a moment or two and return to the “normal” pains that I usually experience with period pain. I was thrown a curve ball however as the pain did not subside, it worsened to the point where I felt that I had to get up to do something about it.
The first point that I looked to was to the little microwaveable beanbag that retains heat. Placing this on the belly often helps in releasing the pain. So I went back to the kitchen, heated up the little bag and placed it on my belly – the pain however still did not release. Bernard was in the kitchen and I asked for his assistance. He placed me in front of him and had a look at the situation.
He suggested that I suspend all other activities for the night, keep warm and move through this point as what he was seeing was massive amounts of energy release.
The pain was increasing and I was experiencing an increase in discomfort. So I took a bath as the heat is also a great assistance with this sort of pain. I had a moment of relief while bathing – lying in the warm water.
When I got out and my body was cooling down again is when the pain increased to the point where I felt very nauseous. I went to lie down again – Again with the little warmed beanbag. It was at this point where Bernard came and had a look at what was going on where he started pushing different points on my body. In particular he pushed a point on the left side of my body on the timeline – At first it was ticklish and then came the immense pain. He said to me: “breathe’. And at first I could not because of the conflicting information that my body was dealing with being pushed on this point of Pain, discomfort, ticklishness. I forced myself to breathe and I did. The breaths came through in jaggeredness but I kept on breathing with every breath becoming clearer and clearer in evenness.
Once the breath was clear on that point I looked to the pain in the Uterus and saw that moving through this point of pain in the timeline point and breathing through that pain had a side effect of releasing pain in my uterus.
Bernard then took on another point on my left forearm. The “control point”. He applied pressure to the point where I could not handle it anymore and he said: “Breathe” Again I moved through the pain – pushed through the pain experienced in my left forearm, amalgamating with the point that pressure was being applied to , moving through the pain breath by breath until the breathing was clear and the pain in the arm subsided. Again there was a side effect of the pain in my uterus becoming less.
Bernard saw another point in my left hand between the thumb and forefinger. He applied pressure and said: “Breathe”. Again we did the same dance. Moving through the pain and discomfort in my hand breath by breath by breath until the pain subsided and again another side effect of the pain getting less in the uterus.
Bernard had a look at the whole point and then said to me that it is not all gone – but I should keep on breathing and moving through the pain. And so I laid back closed my eyes and kept on breathing through the points – As I was breathing I started drifting away into a slumber. I was there for a while and when I woke the pain was gone.
The next moment I experienced a deadening pain in my uterus. Knowing that I had started my period I left it and shrugged it off as just that.
The pain however was different to the pain that I usually experience with period pains. Usually I experience the pain as dull around the uterus as well as on the top of my thighs. The pain would be constantly there in the back ground for a day. I would be aware of this discomfort but would go about all the regular daily activities with this little discomfort.
So in the kitchen, I dished up for myself and placed the food in the microwave as I was not that hungry, as I often find with cooking. I was watching everyone eat when I started feeling nauseous from the pain in my uterus and thus decided to go and lie down for a while.
I walked over to the bedroom and lied down considering that this pain would go away in a moment or two and return to the “normal” pains that I usually experience with period pain. I was thrown a curve ball however as the pain did not subside, it worsened to the point where I felt that I had to get up to do something about it.
The first point that I looked to was to the little microwaveable beanbag that retains heat. Placing this on the belly often helps in releasing the pain. So I went back to the kitchen, heated up the little bag and placed it on my belly – the pain however still did not release. Bernard was in the kitchen and I asked for his assistance. He placed me in front of him and had a look at the situation.
He suggested that I suspend all other activities for the night, keep warm and move through this point as what he was seeing was massive amounts of energy release.
The pain was increasing and I was experiencing an increase in discomfort. So I took a bath as the heat is also a great assistance with this sort of pain. I had a moment of relief while bathing – lying in the warm water.
When I got out and my body was cooling down again is when the pain increased to the point where I felt very nauseous. I went to lie down again – Again with the little warmed beanbag. It was at this point where Bernard came and had a look at what was going on where he started pushing different points on my body. In particular he pushed a point on the left side of my body on the timeline – At first it was ticklish and then came the immense pain. He said to me: “breathe’. And at first I could not because of the conflicting information that my body was dealing with being pushed on this point of Pain, discomfort, ticklishness. I forced myself to breathe and I did. The breaths came through in jaggeredness but I kept on breathing with every breath becoming clearer and clearer in evenness.
Once the breath was clear on that point I looked to the pain in the Uterus and saw that moving through this point of pain in the timeline point and breathing through that pain had a side effect of releasing pain in my uterus.
Bernard then took on another point on my left forearm. The “control point”. He applied pressure to the point where I could not handle it anymore and he said: “Breathe” Again I moved through the pain – pushed through the pain experienced in my left forearm, amalgamating with the point that pressure was being applied to , moving through the pain breath by breath until the breathing was clear and the pain in the arm subsided. Again there was a side effect of the pain in my uterus becoming less.
Bernard saw another point in my left hand between the thumb and forefinger. He applied pressure and said: “Breathe”. Again we did the same dance. Moving through the pain and discomfort in my hand breath by breath by breath until the pain subsided and again another side effect of the pain getting less in the uterus.
Bernard had a look at the whole point and then said to me that it is not all gone – but I should keep on breathing and moving through the pain. And so I laid back closed my eyes and kept on breathing through the points – As I was breathing I started drifting away into a slumber. I was there for a while and when I woke the pain was gone.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Asthma is Not the Only Reason
I have been working with Asthma in a certain way from the start of not using the pump. Specifically my chest has been closed in the mornings and I would look at where my attention was going and though this methodology I would see what construct I was participating in. This then gave me the opportunity to let go of it through self forgiveness and exercise breathing through remaining here. This application has taken me thus far – but it is not enough.
A few nights ago Bernard placed pressure on my Liver and through his application he opened up the Jealousy construct within me. The subtleties of how Jealousy influence all parts of my Life has become magnified. So I have been dealing with these Jealousy points in magnification, but the side effect to this point was that my chest was not that closed anymore in the mornings. There was still a subtle point of tightness but I could utilize breathing in moving through it.
So in effect I have been waiting for things to be ‘the same’ – meaning waiting for certain symptoms to show before continuing with the self forgiveness application. As a closed chest was a great motivation – I ended up using it as the reason why I should do self forgiveness.
A few nights ago Bernard placed pressure on my Liver and through his application he opened up the Jealousy construct within me. The subtleties of how Jealousy influence all parts of my Life has become magnified. So I have been dealing with these Jealousy points in magnification, but the side effect to this point was that my chest was not that closed anymore in the mornings. There was still a subtle point of tightness but I could utilize breathing in moving through it.
So in effect I have been waiting for things to be ‘the same’ – meaning waiting for certain symptoms to show before continuing with the self forgiveness application. As a closed chest was a great motivation – I ended up using it as the reason why I should do self forgiveness.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Capitalism Side Effects
What is the difference between doing best for all vs doing what’s best for self. Doing what’s best for self is based in self interest and will thus have a constricting / narrow view of what to do. As all the choices that are available are guided by self interest and self preservation.
Doing what is best for all should be seen with the common sense of – If I do what is best for all I am also included for I am part of “all”, which in effect then says that I am also doing what is best for me keeping all else in consideration.
Our capitalistic economy is the learning ground of this ineffectual behavior as it teaches everyone to look out for themselves, and fuck the rest of the world. Which is inevitably where capitalism has taken us as a global society. The side effects of capitalism has become evident as famine, war, greed, power, isolation, fear, pollution, profit out of illnesses. All these side effects has points trying to control and manage them, but the truth of capitalism is breaking the seems of control and is starting to show its face all over. We cannot deny the consequences and side effects of capitalism anymore.
On a smaller scale what I have found within my application and removal of asthma is that this point of capitalism – the side effects on a personal level is also a major cause of asthma. As the construct of capitalism is that of a selfish nature – only looking after oneself and fuck the rest of the people. The problem with this point is that because one is allowing such behavior within oneself – one starts to fear the person next to you because maybe, just maybe I am the one that is being fucked this time, by this person. Distrust arises between men, family, societies and countries. And voila – you have created the perfect system of divide and conquer – hidden in our most basic instinct of power and greed –called capitalism.
Six years ago when Bernard showed me that asthma is not as much a disease of the body – but a disease of who we had become – I was not ready for this message – As I was looking for cure for the asthma – Like the asthma pump was a quick fix for allowing me to breathe. Today I am able to look at asthma as a disease of who we as a people – who I have become – and what I have accepted and allowed within this world by my participation and belief.
So having asthma – I now have to question this reality in its totality because it is evident that what we have accepted and allowed within ourselves is not a healthy view on the world.
Doing what is best for all should be seen with the common sense of – If I do what is best for all I am also included for I am part of “all”, which in effect then says that I am also doing what is best for me keeping all else in consideration.
Our capitalistic economy is the learning ground of this ineffectual behavior as it teaches everyone to look out for themselves, and fuck the rest of the world. Which is inevitably where capitalism has taken us as a global society. The side effects of capitalism has become evident as famine, war, greed, power, isolation, fear, pollution, profit out of illnesses. All these side effects has points trying to control and manage them, but the truth of capitalism is breaking the seems of control and is starting to show its face all over. We cannot deny the consequences and side effects of capitalism anymore.
On a smaller scale what I have found within my application and removal of asthma is that this point of capitalism – the side effects on a personal level is also a major cause of asthma. As the construct of capitalism is that of a selfish nature – only looking after oneself and fuck the rest of the people. The problem with this point is that because one is allowing such behavior within oneself – one starts to fear the person next to you because maybe, just maybe I am the one that is being fucked this time, by this person. Distrust arises between men, family, societies and countries. And voila – you have created the perfect system of divide and conquer – hidden in our most basic instinct of power and greed –called capitalism.
Six years ago when Bernard showed me that asthma is not as much a disease of the body – but a disease of who we had become – I was not ready for this message – As I was looking for cure for the asthma – Like the asthma pump was a quick fix for allowing me to breathe. Today I am able to look at asthma as a disease of who we as a people – who I have become – and what I have accepted and allowed within this world by my participation and belief.
So having asthma – I now have to question this reality in its totality because it is evident that what we have accepted and allowed within ourselves is not a healthy view on the world.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Control
Control is a way to stop oneself from doing something that has been classified as “wrong” within ones family, society, culture, friends or media. This level of control is quite easily seen because there is some form of willpower involved. The belief in what is right and what is wrong is so well imprinted into ones world through ones peers and family that going beyond this invisible wall is a taboo. The will power to stop oneself from participating in this “wrong” thing is backed by the fear of “what will happen if I do this wrong thing”. Thus in essence the will power that one exercise is actually the control that the “fear of what will happen if I do this” has over oneself.
Control is also where one is controlling another being to satisfy ones own idea of what should be done. This becomes a more personal view of what is right and what is wrong, because it carries a more personal view of things as well as an inkling of self interest. Manipulation skills must be very well developed to enable one to control another as well as understanding how to use a persons fear against themselves to enable one to be able to control another.
There is also a third level of control where the beliefs of the sum total of your life of what you believe is right and what is wrong has become a resonant signature within self. Thus on this level symbolism, sound, environment, words, perceptions, anticipations all individually activates perceived “self-control”. “Self-Control” however in this context has actually become the manifestation of “fear of the consequences” and thus I will rather apply “self control” than deal with the consequences. The consequences here is more viewed on how will the people around me see me if and when I participate in this “wrong” act. Thus infact not looking at the real consequence of participation in this act but only looking at how the people around me is going to react. The fear of the consequences thus has become the fear of dealing with the people around us, or fear of dealing with their beliefs of how things should be.
This is how far we have allowed the levels of deceit to go that the consequences that we fear has become the consequences for fearing to deal with the beliefs and perceptions of the people around us instead of looking at things through our own eyes.
I understand that what is being said here can be misconstrued by people in great fear of loosing the control that they have in their world, but let me continue in sharing the energetic experience of how control manifests in my world.
As control is based in fear as described above the following is what I experience energetically within myself when I access control as an automated response to being. Firstly lets look at what I am saying here. Why use the word automated. It is automated because there is no thought within my mind that I am looking at that is the actual cause of fear. The fear has become so automated that all it requires is a symbol, a sound, a word, etc to have been able to activate within myself and then my whole being becomes the manifestation of this fear.
The energetic signature that I was looking at this morning was based within the idea that I have of myself. Whatever the idea is what one has of oneself – oneself is always trying to manifest this to enable oneself to look at this picture that one has of oneself, because by having this picture projected of oneself and being able to look at this picture allows oneself to think that one is right about the idea that one has about self. Confirming to oneself that oneself is right. Now remember, every single person is their own superhero in their minds. They are always the one that is right, they are always the one that is righteous, they are always the one that is looking out for everyone, they are always the one that is special. Whether it is doing something to be seen as special or whether it is enforcing ones own view on another to be seen as special, the energetic signature remains the same – the need to be seen as special and thus finding anything to do to be seen in this light. So at a resonant level – that which we resonate as – it has become so automatic that we just do what we do without realising what we are doing energetically to feel better about ourselves or to manifest the idea that we have of ourselves.
This level of self-deceit is so subtle that it sometimes feels like driving through mist – can’t see very far and when I do see something it is only there for a moment because a moment later I have passed the point of being able to see what it is that I am doing.
This is why having pointers or landmarks makes the process a little easier. Asthma is one of these pointers for myself, so when my chest starts closing up I look at what other landmarks / pointers there are available. This morning there was a pressure on my forearms, these pressure points where pointing out control. In essence trying to control who I am to fit into the world that I live in, trying to control who I am through the beliefs that I have developed about the world and the world that I live in. Trying to control who I am to be seen as “normal’, trying to control who I am to not ruffle up any feathers, etc. The list goes on. It is this list that requires self forgiveness as it is this list that is the resonant factor what we manifest as the automated self. It is this list that squeeze the life out of self that constricts the life within self – creating asthma.
Control is also where one is controlling another being to satisfy ones own idea of what should be done. This becomes a more personal view of what is right and what is wrong, because it carries a more personal view of things as well as an inkling of self interest. Manipulation skills must be very well developed to enable one to control another as well as understanding how to use a persons fear against themselves to enable one to be able to control another.
There is also a third level of control where the beliefs of the sum total of your life of what you believe is right and what is wrong has become a resonant signature within self. Thus on this level symbolism, sound, environment, words, perceptions, anticipations all individually activates perceived “self-control”. “Self-Control” however in this context has actually become the manifestation of “fear of the consequences” and thus I will rather apply “self control” than deal with the consequences. The consequences here is more viewed on how will the people around me see me if and when I participate in this “wrong” act. Thus infact not looking at the real consequence of participation in this act but only looking at how the people around me is going to react. The fear of the consequences thus has become the fear of dealing with the people around us, or fear of dealing with their beliefs of how things should be.
This is how far we have allowed the levels of deceit to go that the consequences that we fear has become the consequences for fearing to deal with the beliefs and perceptions of the people around us instead of looking at things through our own eyes.
I understand that what is being said here can be misconstrued by people in great fear of loosing the control that they have in their world, but let me continue in sharing the energetic experience of how control manifests in my world.
As control is based in fear as described above the following is what I experience energetically within myself when I access control as an automated response to being. Firstly lets look at what I am saying here. Why use the word automated. It is automated because there is no thought within my mind that I am looking at that is the actual cause of fear. The fear has become so automated that all it requires is a symbol, a sound, a word, etc to have been able to activate within myself and then my whole being becomes the manifestation of this fear.
The energetic signature that I was looking at this morning was based within the idea that I have of myself. Whatever the idea is what one has of oneself – oneself is always trying to manifest this to enable oneself to look at this picture that one has of oneself, because by having this picture projected of oneself and being able to look at this picture allows oneself to think that one is right about the idea that one has about self. Confirming to oneself that oneself is right. Now remember, every single person is their own superhero in their minds. They are always the one that is right, they are always the one that is righteous, they are always the one that is looking out for everyone, they are always the one that is special. Whether it is doing something to be seen as special or whether it is enforcing ones own view on another to be seen as special, the energetic signature remains the same – the need to be seen as special and thus finding anything to do to be seen in this light. So at a resonant level – that which we resonate as – it has become so automatic that we just do what we do without realising what we are doing energetically to feel better about ourselves or to manifest the idea that we have of ourselves.
This level of self-deceit is so subtle that it sometimes feels like driving through mist – can’t see very far and when I do see something it is only there for a moment because a moment later I have passed the point of being able to see what it is that I am doing.
This is why having pointers or landmarks makes the process a little easier. Asthma is one of these pointers for myself, so when my chest starts closing up I look at what other landmarks / pointers there are available. This morning there was a pressure on my forearms, these pressure points where pointing out control. In essence trying to control who I am to fit into the world that I live in, trying to control who I am through the beliefs that I have developed about the world and the world that I live in. Trying to control who I am to be seen as “normal’, trying to control who I am to not ruffle up any feathers, etc. The list goes on. It is this list that requires self forgiveness as it is this list that is the resonant factor what we manifest as the automated self. It is this list that squeeze the life out of self that constricts the life within self – creating asthma.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Projection - 30 Sep 09
I got a little lazy and haven’t written in a few days. Progressively the asthma has been getting a little harder to deal with again. When I wake the chest has become tighter again.
I have been looking at projection and how it plays its part with asthma.
Projections for instance when I wake I review the day. What day is it? And I would answer. What events are taking place? And I would answer. Depending on the events for the day I would then ask myself what do I wear? And so I would go and have a look in the cupboard.
This is a simple routine that has been developed through childhood that I am living out every morning.
What isn’t understood is that this routine requires energy for this thought construct to exist, creating a reality within the mind where everything is running in a linear fashion as all thought constructs can only manage one thought at a time. This thought construct application places self as life in a constricted linear space, constricting all life and then constricting the breath that stands as life.
Within this preparation is implied that there is danger and thus fear exists of and for the day.
This fear is not directly viewed as it is a side effect of the original point of preparing oneself for the day. By the point of participation in projection it is tacitly implying that there is danger and where there is danger there is fear, where there is fear there is constriction and in the asthmatics case: Constriction of the bronchi ole causes asthma.
I have accepted myself as to not participate within this construct and as a result the asthma has gotten easier in the mornings. When I find myself generating the energy to create the thought that is to be answered as a projection for the day I stop and breathe.
What is a projection. I find that projections are a linear thought construct that has one purpose in mind: The protection, safety and well being of self. A projection is where one walks on one line of thought keeping in mind the sole purpose of the projection – walking down the line of thought till one of the ends lead to a point where the original purpose is met. So to speak it creates a map of the road to take to get to the end result that is the sole purpose of the projection. In a way one could say that projection always looks out for ones own best interest. The problem with this equation is that it does not take life into consideration, it does not take all as one and equal into consideration. In fact projection snuffs out all life if and when it comes into conflict with the projections sole purpose.
The question then would be is how to participate with looking at events and things without using the linear construct of projection. The linear construct of projection has fear points. Fears of what might happen to oneself and these fears are the driving force of projections. It is imperative to face these fears first as it is these fears that are keeping the reasoning of projection going. So what are my fears:
I do not want to be embarrassed
I do not want to get hurt
I do not want to look like a fool
I do not want to be seen as an idiot
I do not want to be caught off guard
I do not want to be tricked
I do not want to be left alone
I do not want to loose
I do not want to be blamed
I do not want to be laughed at
I do not want to be jerked around
I do not want to look stupid
I do not want to find myself in a situation where I am being seen as any or all of the above.
So all projections will revolve around making sure that these fears are not realized. For example:
Person A said something that made me feel embarrassed about myself. I will now find something embarrassing about them to throw back at them so they can feel as embarrassed as me. Or I will find something hurtful to say so I can hurt them back.
I was caught of guard by the witty comment someone made on my expense. I had no comeback. So when I look at this event that took place I project a similar event into the future but this time I am preparing myself to have a better wittier comment that is designed to be at the expense of another.
And so it is for all these fears: When the perception has occurred that I had experienced any of these fears: felt embarrassed, thought I was hurt, felt like a fool, seen as an idiot, caught off guard, thought I was tricked, left alone, lost, blamed, laughed at, jerked around, looked stupid I would use projection to prepare me for the next event by going through scenarios that will eventually leave me in a winning position as to a loosing position. Because within this construct losing is fearful, as the consequences make me feel small.
It is the fear of the bad things that makes one do things. Whether the fear is real or not is dependent on one’s own perception of this reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the embodiment of fear allowing myself to believe that these fears are real and through this belief I have allowed myself to participate in a thought construct called projection as a mechanism designed to ensure my safety from all the fears that I have given life to by my acceptance that they are real.
I forgive myself that I have paid attention to the fears giving them tension to exist and through this tension allowed myself to become tense and stiff as a corpse with no breath, no life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the fears are real and in my fear I have allowed myself to become the defender of myself by closing myself up in fear of life.
I have been looking at projection and how it plays its part with asthma.
Projections for instance when I wake I review the day. What day is it? And I would answer. What events are taking place? And I would answer. Depending on the events for the day I would then ask myself what do I wear? And so I would go and have a look in the cupboard.
This is a simple routine that has been developed through childhood that I am living out every morning.
What isn’t understood is that this routine requires energy for this thought construct to exist, creating a reality within the mind where everything is running in a linear fashion as all thought constructs can only manage one thought at a time. This thought construct application places self as life in a constricted linear space, constricting all life and then constricting the breath that stands as life.
Within this preparation is implied that there is danger and thus fear exists of and for the day.
This fear is not directly viewed as it is a side effect of the original point of preparing oneself for the day. By the point of participation in projection it is tacitly implying that there is danger and where there is danger there is fear, where there is fear there is constriction and in the asthmatics case: Constriction of the bronchi ole causes asthma.
I have accepted myself as to not participate within this construct and as a result the asthma has gotten easier in the mornings. When I find myself generating the energy to create the thought that is to be answered as a projection for the day I stop and breathe.
What is a projection. I find that projections are a linear thought construct that has one purpose in mind: The protection, safety and well being of self. A projection is where one walks on one line of thought keeping in mind the sole purpose of the projection – walking down the line of thought till one of the ends lead to a point where the original purpose is met. So to speak it creates a map of the road to take to get to the end result that is the sole purpose of the projection. In a way one could say that projection always looks out for ones own best interest. The problem with this equation is that it does not take life into consideration, it does not take all as one and equal into consideration. In fact projection snuffs out all life if and when it comes into conflict with the projections sole purpose.
The question then would be is how to participate with looking at events and things without using the linear construct of projection. The linear construct of projection has fear points. Fears of what might happen to oneself and these fears are the driving force of projections. It is imperative to face these fears first as it is these fears that are keeping the reasoning of projection going. So what are my fears:
I do not want to be embarrassed
I do not want to get hurt
I do not want to look like a fool
I do not want to be seen as an idiot
I do not want to be caught off guard
I do not want to be tricked
I do not want to be left alone
I do not want to loose
I do not want to be blamed
I do not want to be laughed at
I do not want to be jerked around
I do not want to look stupid
I do not want to find myself in a situation where I am being seen as any or all of the above.
So all projections will revolve around making sure that these fears are not realized. For example:
Person A said something that made me feel embarrassed about myself. I will now find something embarrassing about them to throw back at them so they can feel as embarrassed as me. Or I will find something hurtful to say so I can hurt them back.
I was caught of guard by the witty comment someone made on my expense. I had no comeback. So when I look at this event that took place I project a similar event into the future but this time I am preparing myself to have a better wittier comment that is designed to be at the expense of another.
And so it is for all these fears: When the perception has occurred that I had experienced any of these fears: felt embarrassed, thought I was hurt, felt like a fool, seen as an idiot, caught off guard, thought I was tricked, left alone, lost, blamed, laughed at, jerked around, looked stupid I would use projection to prepare me for the next event by going through scenarios that will eventually leave me in a winning position as to a loosing position. Because within this construct losing is fearful, as the consequences make me feel small.
It is the fear of the bad things that makes one do things. Whether the fear is real or not is dependent on one’s own perception of this reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the embodiment of fear allowing myself to believe that these fears are real and through this belief I have allowed myself to participate in a thought construct called projection as a mechanism designed to ensure my safety from all the fears that I have given life to by my acceptance that they are real.
I forgive myself that I have paid attention to the fears giving them tension to exist and through this tension allowed myself to become tense and stiff as a corpse with no breath, no life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the fears are real and in my fear I have allowed myself to become the defender of myself by closing myself up in fear of life.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Constricting Thoughts 21 sep 09
For the last two days I have been looking at breath. My breath is irregular when I access a thought construct. These thought constructs are moments where I look at things: For example: tonight I was getting water for the kettle and as the bottle was filling I was looking at what direction to give another in the kitchen. The moment I realized that I was not breathing – I stopped, breathed and let the thought go. It is in thought where one closes down the world into a small little compartment within the mind giving one singular point direction as the pre-conceived thought that directed it. It is fascinating that we would give one thought so much attention, creating tension within ourselves when life is not linear but all encompassing. We have made ourselves god by thinking that our thoughts have more value than what is here in the moment as breath.
So each time I find myself going back into the automated state of thinking about things and what direction to give it – I stop, breathe and remain here.
What asthma is forcing me to face is that thoughts are the cause of constriction. Constricting life, of what is here in the moment to a singular thought line that does not have space for all life, it does not consider all life as it is a thought with a singular purpose and a singular outcome.
When I stop the thought process my chest does not feel the constriction imposed on it by the thought.
So I stop.
So each time I find myself going back into the automated state of thinking about things and what direction to give it – I stop, breathe and remain here.
What asthma is forcing me to face is that thoughts are the cause of constriction. Constricting life, of what is here in the moment to a singular thought line that does not have space for all life, it does not consider all life as it is a thought with a singular purpose and a singular outcome.
When I stop the thought process my chest does not feel the constriction imposed on it by the thought.
So I stop.
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